Ditching the Divorce Drama with Beth Roesler

Goosmann Law Firm : 0:01

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Jeana Goosmann: 0:30

Hello, I'm your host, Jeana Goosmann, CEO, author, lawyer, and woman business leader. Thank you for joining me on Law Talk with the Flock. For today's episode I have with me, my law partner, Beth Roesler, and Beth leads the family law group at the Goosmann Law Firm and has a tremendous amount of experience in family law and those trials. And today we're going to talk a little bit with Beth on how can you ditch the drama, but before we get into that, Beth, could you introduce yourself?

Beth Roesler: 0:58

Sure. Like you said, I'm Beth Roesler. I've been a family law lawyer now for about 10 years. I practice here in Sioux Falls and I've practiced in Yankton, South Dakota previously. I really enjoy working with my families, family law clients, and guiding them through the divorce process.

Jeana Goosmann: 1:15

Outstanding. Well, Beth has as it relates to the divorce process, what advice can you give to clients right away on that are about to go through a divorce and how to avoid some of that unnecessary trauma? Because it's such a tumultuous time for these clients.

Beth Roesler: 1:30

Sure. It is. And I think one of the first primary things is to, for people to stay off social media. To not engage in those types of activities. I think a lot of times people will tend to want to post things or to say things in text and just keeping in mind to keep your intake, your personal integrity. Think about, is this something most divorces don't end up in a courtroom, but if it were, is this something that I would want a judge to see or my mom to see or my kids to see, and just keeping that check on yourself, like, okay, I'm not going to post about the divorce. I'm not going to go to my friends and say everything bad that I want to say about my soon to be ex-spouse. So just keeping that in, check on yourself, I think is a really good way to eliminate a lot of the drama. I see that that's a lot of places where people get into fighting back and forth is it's so easy to use electronic means anymore to communicate. And so then people will just get into that back and forth.

Jeana Goosmann: 2:34

So posting new pictures of your boyfriend or girlfriend, or you taking your kids to Disney World and having a ton of fun with out your ex those would be sorts of things to avoid?

Beth Roesler: 2:44

Yes. And then commenting that about that too. People tend to want to do that and make nasty comments. And those are all things to avoid.

Jeana Goosmann: 2:53

You can kind of fuel the flames or prevent some of the drama. It sounds like by not doing that. And then how, if you have children, how should you interact with your children and what advice do you have for folks with kids that are going through divorce?

Beth Roesler: 3:06

Well, I think it's really important to focus on your children in the divorce. How this is affecting them? Because that's a huge change for your children as well. And part of that, focusing on your children is keeping things from making it difficult on them. So being calm with your kids, don't talk about your ex-spouse poorly. It makes it really difficult for the kids. And so keeping the kids out of that. And again, if you end up in court, the judge is not going to want to hear that you have been saying that mom is a terrible person, or that dad is a terrible person, that dad does everything wrong. And those things just don't involve the kids in that kind of drama. And I think part of that, a lot of people, maybe they're dealing with the difficult soon to be ex-spouse. There's a reason why they're getting divorced. And so it's, they, they pick at each other too, a lot of times. So I think a lot of it with the kids is don't sweat the small stuff. If your spouse brings the kids back 10 minutes late, it's not ideal maybe, but you just have to let those kinds of things go. And if you do that, if people can do that, it makes for a lot easier process in the divorce.

Jeana Goosmann: 4:16

How should they handle it if their ex is causing the drama, how should they respond?

Beth Roesler: 4:23

I think it's just to keep calm. To be informative when you're talking about the kids will be informative about what what's happening with your children, but you don't have to let it go into other things. Be nice, be kind. And sometimes it hurts to be kind, but it's, again, it's being kind and be direct and communicating. Don't get into these circles of trying to be cute about things, just be direct and keep it, keep it short. Keep it simple.

Jeana Goosmann: 4:54

Now with regards to the cost of a divorce, I know a lot of people talk about my divorce cost as much money or that much money. How can people go into a divorce and try and keep their costs down? And within reason?

Beth Roesler: 5:09

Being organized, going into your divorce is really probably the best way to keep your costs down. Consult with the people that you need to consult with. If you have large assets, you may need to talk to your accountant and to a financial planner. And then of course, talking to a lawyer I think is really, is a good step too. And helping prepare for that, but having all of your financial documents and records together, and as it sounds cold at times, but treat your divorce as a business transaction with your spouse. So think about, and don't get the emotions involved so much. And that's when divorces is really can start to cost a lot of money is when people let their emotions take over and that guide the ship rather than staying focused on getting this process completed, you know, in manner, that's the least painful for everyone.

Jeana Goosmann: 6:00

You bet. And how about negotiating some of the small things. What's your advice to clients as it relates to some of the smaller issues that maybe they could talk directly to their ex about?

Beth Roesler: 6:11

Right. And those items. I always encourage people. If there are things that you can work out on your own and get settled, like for instance, dividing of the personal property and your home is really easy cost efficient way. You don't want to have your lawyers sitting down and going through and negotiating back and forth about toaster ovens or quilt racks or any other biases and those types of things. Right? Exactly.

Jeana Goosmann: 6:40

I think I've heard over the years and the hairdryer story, I mean, there was a$10 million divorce and there was some hairdryer that was a big dispute. And I think that's how you ended up with a really expensive divorce.

Beth Roesler: 6:52

It is. And I've had people I've had to sit and talk, talk to other lawyers about exchanging a$20 book case in a town, you know, in a town of 20 miles away. And just things like that, that is going to cost you X we're exchanging that$20 book case through your lawyers probably is going to cost the two of you combined$500. So it's just keeping that focus and keeping a perspective on what ultimately is your end game.

Jeana Goosmann: 7:18

And Beth, what would be some next steps for someone that's considering the divorce process and how could Goosmann help?

Beth Roesler: 7:25

Well, I think first of all is, like I said, just to get yourself organized financially. When you cut ties contact a Goosmann lawyer. We can provide you with spreadsheets that will help you divide your assets and your debts and actually categorize all those things because it's hard sometimes to get an idea on, okay, here's what I have. So gathering up your financial documents, gathering up all of your bank, account statements, work records, those types of things, and your, income tax returns. And again, educating yourself. So when you talk to the lawyer, we can discuss the process with you. I think a lot of times the divorce processes is scary for people because they don't know what to expect. And so I find that my clients, once they talk to us, they actually have a lot better sense of calm and a sense of this is where we're going, and this is how I get organized. And this is how the procedure will go. Every divorce proceeds a little bit differently, but your lawyer can sit and listen to your situation and give you specific tips for your situation. It's better than going out and talking to your friend. Well, this happened to my divorce and those same things aren't necessarily going to happen in your divorce because everybody said family situations are so unique. I think the other thing that I tell people too is to make sure that you take care of yourself throughout this process. Keep physically and emotionally healthy, that will help you so much more as it's a really stressful event. And so to keep yourself emotionally and physically healthy is such a great thing to be able to do. And just to keep that perspective as well.

Jeana Goosmann: 9:04

Well, great advice, Beth. Thank you so much for sharing with our listeners today. I hope everyone goes and has a great day and go make it worth it.

Goosmann Law Firm : 9:13

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